An April Fool's article
The city of Munich warmly welcomes tourists from around the globe. Apart from American tourists who scurry around Marienplatz in their Nikes screaming “Speak English!” the city seems to have a cheery atmosphere. But as Donny Osmond so rightly crooned, “One bad apple can spoil the whole bunch, girl.” A mysterious visitor, pictured above, arrived in January and has been annoying natives ever since. “He isn’t doing anything illegal, so we can’t bust him, but we are hoping to catch him on something and have him shipped back home via UPS,” said Police Commissioner Albern at a recent press conference. The stranger, thought to be Finnish or Lithuanian, is guilty of many obnoxious acts including: taking up one-and-a-half seats on the S-Bahn (see photo), passing himself off as a priest and “marrying” unsuspecting couples, hogging public telephones, asking for ketchup with his Kaiserschmarrn, and drinking Scotch from his shoe in the lobby of the Four Seasons hotel, where he is thought to reside. Munich’s Bad Behavior Bureau suggests ignoring him until he goes away. But that won’t be easy. It’s hard not to react to a guy who plays “see-food” in restaurants.