The high cost of road rage
On one of the rare occasions that I have driven to work, the following incident occurred. The traffic lights turned red just as I reached them. I braked to stop. The man behind was not amused. He honked his horn and gesticulated wildly. I turned around and pointed with my index finger to my temple — the so-called bird (Vogel) sign — indicating that I thought his mental state was not all it should be. Understandably angry, he returned the gesture. In an attempt to defuse the situation, I put my thumb to my nose and waggled my fingers at him. He responded by putting a thumb in each ear and waggling his fingers in my direction. At this point, we both fell about laughing, before giving each other the thumbs up sign. Sadly, the lights then turned green. It could have been the start of a beautiful friendship.
Unfortunately, things don’t always go so smoothly. Indeed, such gestures towards other drivers can be very expensive. Take, for example, the Vogel sign. Nobody has to put up with the suggestion that they are crazy; a DM 300 fine has been imposed for such behavior — or for sticking out your tongue.
Then there is the “windscreen wiper” (Scheibenwischer) sign. This involves holding your hands up with your palms to your face and moving them criss-cross fashion in front of you, once again indicating mental instability. For this, a Munich court imposed a DM 750 fine; in Berlin it costs as much as DM 2,000.
Holding your thumb and index finger together to create a circle can also set you back a fair sum. Although this can be a sign of absolute excellence, in a traffic dispute it is more likely to be interpreted as meaning asshole (Arschloch). The fine: DM 1,500. Even more expensive can be sticking out your middle finger in the “up yours” gesture. Known in Germany as the Stinkefinger or Effe — named for German soccer player Stefan Effenberg, who made this gesture to the crowd during the 1994 World Cup in the U.S. — it can cost anywhere from DM 1,200 to DM 8,000. The fines vary according to the specifics of the case and the monthly incomes of those involved. If you earn more, you pay more.
Verbal insults can also hit your pocket. In recent cases, exclaiming “you little, fat pig” (Du kleine fette Sau) cost one driver DM 400, while “you blockhead” (Du Holzkopf) produced a fine of DM 1,500, as did “are you off your rocker” (Bei dir piept’s wohl!). “You son of a bitch” (Du alte Sau) set a driver back DM 5,000.
Particularly expensive are insults to the police. “You stupid cow” (Dumme Kuh) cost DM 1,200; “Idiot in a uniform” (Trottel in Uniform) was worth DM 3,000 and “you slut” (Du Schlampe) DM 3,800.
Nor will trying to be clever help, as one driver found out. His indirect insult “what I’d really like to do now is call you an asshole” (Am liebsten würde ich jetzt Arschloch zu Ihnen sagen) set him back DM 3,200.
Of course, if no one complains, no action will be taken, or as the Germans say “where there’s no plaintiff, there’s no judge” (wo kein Kläger ist, ist auch kein Richter). And if both parties have been hurling insults or making obscene gestures, a court is likely to throw out the case. Finally, if my friend from the traffic light incident is reading this, do get in touch. We were getting on so well.
